I’ve stopped telling people that I’m in software. Inevitably, I’m asked stupid questions such as how to work some lame feature in Microsoft Office (I’m an OpenOffice guy), or something about Windows, or what computer to buy, or the very worst, something along the lines of:

Him: “My computer is running really slow lately. What do you think it is?”

Me: “Oh, lots of things can cause that.”

Him: “Like what?”

Me: “Oh, lots of things. Hardware. Software.”

Him: “Do you think I have a virus?”

Me (ugh, the dreaded “v”can of worms): “It’s possible.”

Him: “Can’t be. I’m always very careful.” (long pause) “Can I bring my laptop over so you can look at it?”

Me (what I’d like to say): “Sure, so long as you come over and fix up my messy life by straightening out my garage and home office, weeding my yard and scrubbing my bathrooms. No prob.”

Me (what I actually say): “You should have that looked at by a professional. Oh, I see someone I came here to talk to…”